I need space



"church"
  

I’m tired. I just don’t have the ability to keep up with the cover-up of “church” anymore. I love God, I am crazy about living into the Kingdom of God, and I desperately want to be with the body of Christ, but I just can no longer keep up with the systems and structures that go along with all of that. I know it’s cliche to talk about wanting to be the church as opposed to merely doing church, but right now all I see are the structural cover-up (businesses) and they are overwhelming.

It’s not that any one branch of the church is to blame whether megachurch, mainline, or housechurch all seem bogged down with the idea that the church exists for its own sake. The point seems to be to perfect the performance, hone the ritual, grow the structure so that the church can survive and thrive. It’s all (in theory) so that the church can bless its members and be able to serve the world, but all too often it seems like the forms of church become the purpose of church consuming all of our vision and energy. The actions of church don’t reflect the things I claim to believe and yet they demand all our attention. And I just have to confess that right now I am worn out.

I’m not interested in building structures right now or expressing unwavering loyalty to any religion. Instead of constantly shoring up structures, I feel like I need the space to mourn. I need the space to hear of the struggles of the body of Christ and the trials of inhabiting God’s Kingdom without the distractions of having to protect a structure.